Hair Pulling

Posted on October 2, 2006 by Terry L. Holt

Every morning, my two year old seems to have less hair on the left side of her head.

She’s pulling it out, a comfort/coping mechanism she has developed that grew out of, I’m sure, a lifelong habit of playing with my hair and her own, especially when tired or facing some emotional/developmental challenge or period of stress. I’ve researched this, and although I’m going to keep a close eye on her for future obsessive/compulsive type behaviors, what I’ve read so far is that it’s not unnatural. And it’s not, at this age, trichotillomania

She’ll pull out a handful of hair with barely a grimace of pain, wrap the hair around her fingers, then suck on her fingers with the hair. She’s been a finger sucker since birth, so this hair pulling is in addition to the existing comfort measure.

I’ve tried putting a glove on the offending hand when she is tired, at the advice of a friend. She likes the feel of the material between her fingers, and she rubs the gloves the same way she rubs the pulled hair. But she takes off the glove, and although I’m feeling desperate, I’m not quite desperate enough to break out the duct tape *smirk*

I’ve talked to her about it. She’s very bright and has an uncanny vocabulary and understanding at her age, but trying to get her to stop the behavior doesn’t seem to be working, as it’s more an unconscious, habitual thing. We’ve bought her dolls that have hair, so that she can find a more constructive outlet. But she still prefers to pull her own hair.

So far, our efforts have not been working.

She’s dealt with a lot of stress recently. Change is not something she deals with well, and CHANGE has been the number one component of her life in the last 6 weeks.

Suggestions? Ideas? I’m open to trying just about anything.

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  • grandmother

    yes, duh. Cut her hair. A cute little pixie cut would be adorable on her. How about telling her you are the boss and
    she is not allowed to pull out her hair.

  • Dwight

    I guess tobasco sauce on her hair would be too radical, huh? :) I wish I had a more practical suggestion.

  • http://mothermirth.com/ Terry L. Holt

    We just bought a lovey baby, and it’s to arrive in the next week or so: http://www.loveybabies.com/

    We’re hoping it works. The haircut is scheduled for after the doll’s arrival, as cutting it prior would be, we think, a bit traumatizing, as she uses her hair when I’m not around for comfort. This is not unusual behavior, from what I’ve read, and it’s found in children who are resistant to change.

    As far as the “duh” comment goes, well of COURSE we’ve told her not to pull out her hair. She’s doing it unconsciously. Tabasco sounds a bit too punitive and cruel. We’re hoping having an accessible substitute for my hair will work and will keep her from pulling out her own hair.

    Thanks for reading!

  • http://www.rowdenland.com/kitchen Michelle

    Eeeek! Lovey Babies are scary!! “Use your own hair…mwaaa haaa haaa haaa…” But, uh, I hope it works for ya.

    No, really. I didn’t realize she was pulling her hair out. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it, but I guess it sucks in the mean time…um, no pun was intended there, honestly.

  • Renee

    My son does the same thing and it is a comforting behavior for him too. He is 20 months old and has been doing it since he was born almost. He has a small bald spot on his head now from doing it so much. We tell him not to do it too, but he even does it in his sleep. If I find any good solutions I will write back. Its good to know Im not alone.

  • http://mothermirth.com/ Terry

    AH! Your kid is a FREAK! OK, just kidding! I’ve actually heard from a whole lot of mommies who are just about pulling out their own hair because they’re so stressed out that their little darling is engaging in what looks like self mutilation. But it’s, indeed, not an abnormal coping mechanism/comfort exercise–which is good to know. But in the meantime, what do you do?

    I cut my child’s hair. Drastically. She got a very cute haircut, close to the scalp. Since then, she’s had to find other ways to self soothe. She uses my hair when I’m in range. She isn’t crazy about the Lovey doll, like I thought she would be, but she does play with her hair when she needs to. Otherwise, we hope she’s just found different outlets. Regardless, she’s not pulling out her hair. And if she returns to the behavior, I’ll cut it short again and just be as nurturing and supportive as I am now.

    Yes, everyone mistakes her for a boy. I just don’t let it bother me. She’s gorgeous. And just a little neurotic, but, hey, it’s amusing most of the time!

  • Amber

    My 14mo old son is so in need of my hair. When it is nap time, bottle time or tired he has to play with my hair. We also co-sleep and in the middle of the night he pulls and tugs at it. It is getting to be too much and I want him to find another form of security or comfort. Any suggestions?