A dear friend who probably hasn’t given this as much thought as I have recently said to me that he’s glad I’m not a “minivan soccer mom.” So, I asked for a clarification, as I’m a little uncertain that I’m NOT one. After all, I drive a minivan. It’s shiny and fits all my shit in it. I can put kid bikes/beach crap/groceries/extra kids in this thing and never have to use duct tape or bungee cords! And I have a kid who wants to play soccer next season. Surely, this makes me a soccer mom, right?
Not knowing exactly what the term means, I pondered for awhile, to see if I could figure out for myself a clearer definition as to what exactly a soccer mom is and why it’s used so pejoratively. I know I’ve heard “soccer mom” used as a way of denigrating women who engage rather more participatingly in their children’s youth sports program than they should. They are the ones who ask the coach why THEIR darlings are warming the bench, or why Sally never gets the ball on an offensive play. But, let’s not confuse “soccer mom” with the overbearing parents we see at kids’ soccer events. This term needs some qualification. I have personally seen moms and dads at soccer events who take “cheering on their kids” to the extreme, berating their kids or the coaches for the level of play on the field. I think we can come up with a better word than soccer mom or dad for this behavior. How about “fuckbucket?” That works for me. Soccer moms cheer and can be a little pushy. Fuckbuckets berate and really should be given some anti-anxiety meds and family therapy for aggression.
I felt a little closer to getting what soccer mom means. Next, I asked Dr. Wikipedia:
The phrase soccer mom generally refers to a married middle-class woman who lives in the suburbs and has school age children. She is sometimes portrayed in the media as busy or overburdened and driving a minivan. She is also portrayed as putting the interests of her family, and most importantly her children, ahead of her own.
Yes, according to this definition, I can see why soccer moms are such douchebags. They care about their kids. Yep. Down with them all, and their busy Google calendars and cheery bumper stickers. They should all die. </sarcasm>
The Wikipedia article goes on to explain that the word was coined by political consultants, and that Bill Clinton actively campaigned for the support of these suburban women, who were seen as the potential swing votes in the 1996 election. It was the word of the year that year. Since then, the word has somehow earned a negative aspect. Not as bad as “hockey mom” and its attachment to Alaska ex-governor Sarah Palin. But it seems that in the zeitgeist of 21st century mainstream pop culture, “soccer mom” is the opposite of sexy, desirable, empowered woman. She is just a stupid broad who doesn’t bring home the bacon OR fry it up in a pan.
I sought a deeper understanding, so I tried to call up some imagery of what I see as a typical soccer mom. “Soccer mom” brings to my brain an image of a mom getting the exhausted kids into the car after soccer practice, with all their gear. She is tired from work, or from being home all day with the kids, but she’s THERE. She is present and actively engaging with her kids to help them have extracurricular activities they care about. She brings them out for an ice cream after practice. Then they head home, and she makes dinner, with the help of her awesome partner, and the pair get kids to bath/bed. That’s how I see a soccer mom. Because I’ve been one. Is that what YOU think of as “soccer mom”? If not, why not?
My question for you all, and for my dear friend whom I’m NOT picking on at all (well, perhaps a little?) is this:
When you call someone a soccer mom, do you actually mean something else? Is the soccer momness the thing that so bothers you, or is it just a common denominator that also includes OTHER elements that you find offensive? Is she FAT, too? Or a Christian? Or a Republican? Is she dumb? Or a shitty driver? Does she call her kids “fucktarts” or yell at them constantly? Does she care about her nails and hair too much, or not enough? Does she *gasp* wear sweat pants? What exactly is the offensive characteristic that you are using the umbrella term “soccer mom” for? Can you be a soccer mom AND a progressive, liberal, hippie, pagan, dirty-fingernailed, intelligent woman who treats her children fairly and with empathy? Does that mixture help or hurt? Why or why not?
Would I be a better, more attractive woman if I worked overtime every weekday and had my kids in daycare? Am I less valuable because I have the time to spend with my kids, to take them to sports events in the family minivan and treat them to ice cream? Lots of moms don’t even have this option. They just don’t have the time. Or they make different choices that are completely valid in their household. They make it work. Are they better than me? Worse? It seems that moms are damned if they do, damned if they don’t engage in soccermommery now.
In short, what are you sneering at when you use that term so negatively? Do you even know?
Huh. I guess I am a soccer mom. Now get the fuck out of my way. We’re late for practice.