There’s a lot going on developmentally with Laurel, who just turned 4 on January 8. She’s becoming a very social child, one who soaks up the social and then withdraws to form her own boundaries when she’s all social-ed out. She is so like her father in this regard that sometimes they both disappear in the midst of a party for a much-needed nap.

Last week, Laurel asked if she could have a playdate at our house with her best friend from school. With Kelsey at pony club for the day, it was the perfect time for Laurel to shine socially without her sister stealing the spotlight, as so often happens in their dynamic. I think Laurel has learned a lot from her extroverted sister. And, truly, second-born children benefit so much from learning how to socialize with siblings and siblings’ friends, from such an early age, that when it’s time for them to make their own contacts and experience their own playdates, they’re ahead of the game a little bit.

Laurel was SO FAR ahead of the game that all I needed to do for her playdate was basically open the door and keep the guest’s mother busy with conversation and coffee!

Laurel’s attention to detail, her fastidiousness is seen in the little things she does day-to-day. She’s a very sensitive child, so everything just… resonates more with her. She invests much more of herself in everything she does than her older sister, who is more flighty (I don’t mean that pejoratively — it’s just how she is) and spontaneous.

As the time drew near for Laurel’s first playdate, she asked that the child’s table be set up in the kitchen, marking a place in front of the back door, noting the light streaming in through the glass door. She asked that I rinse out the new tea set she got for her birthday, so that it would be ready to hold real food. She set her table, paying attention to the smallest detail. She washed her hands, poured the cranberry juice, arranged the grapes, set out napkins.

Then she dressed herself in party clothes. She asked that I put on her apron while she helped bake brownies for her guest. She asked about the time, so she would know how long she had to prepare for her friend’s arrival. She asked for music to play in the background.

As she was agonizing about which seat she would ask her friend to sit in, I gently reminded her that her friend would want to choose her own seat, and that it was polite to offer her this option. Laurel balked at first, but as the thought set in, she realized that I was right and agreed.
This is Laurel, in a nutshell. She asks for what she wants. She doesn’t want to be told what to do, but if it is reasonable, she will consider it. Her first response to any question is “No,” but she has the ability to re-think her answer and respond more positively. She is able to negotiate situations with some grace, including sharing, if others are playing fairly with her. She gives great thought to all the components of play, asks appropriate and provocative questions, enjoys arguing her case, but will see reason, too.

After her friend arrived, they enjoyed a tea party, then moved on to dressing up and playing in her room. The playdate lasted about 3 hours, and it was deemed a huge success by both preschoolers and their moms.

I can’t wait to do this again. It’s a whole different experience parenting Laurel, one I am truly enjoying! I especially love it that she gets it wholeheartedly — the details, the appreciation of my help, the importance of being good to friends. I feel honored that I’m helping to grow a completely amazing person, one who is hell-bent on doing it her way, but able to bend my way a little when she needs me.